I am on a roll (which probably came out of a plastic bag, and which is probably topped with store-brand margarine.)

I was reading through AskJeeves.com’s (supremely unhelpful) answers to the question “What is the best way to cope with my crippling self-doubt?” and I realized that I’ve probably hit a new low.  This is actually the third new low in 24 hours.  The first two involved binge eating: one was an entire family-sized box of Cheez-Its, which if you will recall I started yesterday at breakfast; and what was supposed to be my three-week supply of yogurt because it was on sale for fifty cents a thing.  And now here I am, yogurtless, crackerless, and full of the marked-down pizza rolls I had for dinner.

Do you remember when “eating my feelings” meant low-fat cottage cheese and gourmet French jam?  I do.

Things are quiet on the job front.  I want to say that this is the Calm Before the Storm, but it’s probably just the Calm Before the Calm Storm, where it’s so calm it causes the roofs of the houses of the unemployed to get blown away.  The good news is, enough people’s roofs get blown off and there is a job for everyone in the roofing industry.  Career idea for the day: become apprentice roofer.

(This blog is RIFE with symbolism.  RIFE, I SAY!)

Even the news today has not been much about the economy, though I haven’t quite felt like sifting through all of the online newspapers I’ve started reading.  I am starting to doubt the legitimacy of some of the local news stations around here, though.  I was watching a 9:00 news cast, and the first fifteen minutes of the broadcast was about the following three things: 

1. We got less than a half inch of snow here today.  No ice.  No damage. No traffic problems because it was a Sunday.  Somehow, this was still the #1 story.
2. George Clooney is making a movie here and like 8,000 want to be in it.
3. A lot of people in town have been smelling something weird lately and no one is sure what it is, but the news station called the local gas company, who said that it wasn’t gas and probably wasn’t dangerous.

This last one: was it honestly a story on a TV news broadcast?  It sounds like a lame story that I would tell Kylene at lunch about something that happened at work on one of her days off.  Honestly.  A weird smell about which we have no details?  And which will in any case have no impact on anyone's life?  Not interesting.  Especially not considering that acrid smells are daily fact for ANYONE who rides the MetroLink or MetroBus.  Unidentifiable offensive odors practically come out of the machine with your ticket.  I should start carrying Axe Body Spray in my man-bag.

Maybe I will write this television station and ask them to do a news story on GETTING ME A JOB.  Or really anything in all caps.  GETTING ME A JOB.  THE ECONOMIC CRISIS WE ARE IN HERE, IN CASE YOU HADN’T NOTICED.  SEXY DR. GUPTA. HEARTWARMING PET STORIES.  THE OBAMA GIRLS.  MY CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT.  All of these would be interesting fodder for television news broadcasts (with the possible exception of my crippling self doubt specifically—whereas, a more general story about crippling self-doubt would probably be informative and helpful).

Career idea #2: apprentice broadcast news editorship.

Will the good ideas ever end?