This is the story that I woke up to on NPR this morning. Two thoughts come to mind. One: how can Missouri's unemployment fund possibly be so close to exhaustion when I have not received a single dollar for the weeks of unemployment that I’ve claimed? Two: HOLY FUCKING SHIT WE ARE ALL SO FUCKED. Would anyone like to start a colony on Mars with me? I don’t understand anything about economics, so I guarantee you nothing so huge and complicated as this huge and complicated global recession will happen. Economic crises might include: we have run out of Cheez-its, which, being non-perishable and valuable to me, are our planet-wide form of currency (This will only happen when I accidentally ingest 200 million Cheez-its worth of Cheez-its.); also, maybe the economy might freeze if my six-year-old iBook dies (this is likely: the battery doesn’t hold a charge and that shit can’t even do YouTube.), because I will naturally have to administrate the economy from my laptop and I don’t think I will have room on the space ship for my also-aging desktop computer.
Also: in these trying economic times, with unemployment and zoo funding dwindling, a local groundhog tries to save money by going on an All-Finger diet. The mayor claims the groundhog was trained by Al-Qaeda. Mostly I think he’s just jealous that he didn’t think of this money-saving technique first. After all, he has a head start: he has ten fingers already (well, I guess now he has 9.99)!
This morning I have my first job interview and with Emily’s help I have decided that I am going to wear a sweater vest. This is for the theatre management position, which involves a lot of planning, coordinating, and scheduling. As it is currently nine degrees Fahrenheit outside, I want to show my prospective employer that I am the kind of homosexual who plans ahead. So I am dressing in layers.
So far the morning hasn’t been too disastrous, but then, I did just spill pumpkin spice coffee all over my desk.
I helped, and then when I told Bryan what I picked out for you, he judgementally said, "Shouldn't he wear a suit?"
Ugh.Lawyers.*
Anyway, I'm totally glad that the poor little groundhog bit the heck out of duder's finger. While biting and perhaps a bit of mauling might be what happens when you cut the zoo's budget, imagine if you cut the gramma budget. YEAH. Think about that.
*That are not Sally.