Statistically speaking

I guess quantitatively my life is pretty terrible right now, even though qualitatively it is somewhat better.  Especially today.

I actually had a good day today—it involved cleaning.  While most people think cleaning is annoying, I am one of the few who are happier while cleaning.  Yes, I am one of those gay-ass punks who whistles while he works.  Except I sing.  Usually operacizing pop songs: today it was Madonna’s “Material Girl.”  And that makes me 80% gayer.

It was more than just the cleaning, though: I had an all-around positive day.  I woke up early, had some coffee, got some leads on a few more jobs, I had a good rehearsal, I didn’t take a nap but I almost did, and I had some frozen yogurt.  It was a day that a jobful person might look at and say, “Wow, I wish I were unemployed because that sounds at least ten times better than having a job.”  And that person would be absolutely correct.  Yes, that’s right.  It was ten times better than working where I used to work.  

But then, working there was 80% as bad as say, self-immolation.  Or maybe only 67% as bad as being mauled to death by your neighbor’s erstwhile friendly Chihuahua.  So you do the math.  I say all that to say that my quality of life, though drastically improved, is still pretty low.  To continue with my trend of irrelevant analogies that are strung together haphazardly, it's like being a Serb and moving from 1994 Sarajevo to 1998 Kosovo.  It's a little better, yes, but um, I would still plan on getting out of there at a fast walk if I were you.

And yes, that’s right.  I am bad-ass enough to use “erstwhile” and “Chihuahua” in the same sentence.  And I am also awesome enough to segue (poorly) into late 20th-century Balkan conflicts.

I NEED TO GO BACK TO ANALOGY SCHOOL.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, I should wake up early and have coffee every morning.  But if I do this tomorrow, I am taking a nap, because even if I am happy, I get cranky without a nap.  150% Grumpier.  The end.