April 2009 Archives

So many of my friends have been losing their jobs recently that I am going to have to change my ringtone to Taps.  It’s almost May; I guess I figured everything would have fixed itself by now.  But maybe I am, like so many Americans, guilty of wishful thinking.  Examples: I wish the economy would get fixed; I wish to lose weight but still eat lots of Oreos; I wish I had a job.  Well, sort of.  I sort of wish I had a means of making lots of money that didn’t involve waking up at 7:00 in the morning and putting on pants first thing.  But I guess I will have to wait for this blog to become profitable for that to happen.

What am I doing?  Today I watched NCIS for at least three hours while I did research online about jobs.  I have gone through a lot of phases while I have been unemployed: the hopeful phase, which was right at the beginning, and in which I was sure I was going to get a job right away; the blithe phase, where I still didn’t have a job but was sure it didn’t matter because I was collecting unemployment and kept getting freelance offers; the worried phase, where I started to be concerned about the fact that I was not getting a job and that I actually was unhirable because of my resume; the angry phase, which I think came after my fifth rejection after an interview; the depressed phase, which I think is self-explanatory; and now, the Holy Fucking Shit, I Have To Get A Job Right Away So I Had Better Fucking Work This Shit Out.  As the French would say, le débrouillage.  At least, I think they would say that.  I haven’t spoken French in a while.

I sort of like being in this new phase, though.  Last week it energized me to apply for lots and lots of jobs, as well as to vacuum, as well as to bake two cakes.  Both of which turned out badly.

And today I accidentally kicked my cat in the face.

Why did I start writing this?  I don’t remember.  New topic.

I am doing my best now not to be too narrow in my search for employment, but sometimes I get on kicks and I tend to put myself on a single track—usually bound for Failureton.  I recently have decided to expand my job search beyond St. Louis.  Which was a good idea in theory.  But now: I am only looking for jobs in Chicago.  How did that happen?  I mean, yes yes, it is a larger city and therefore a larger market, but I have no connections there and I shouldn’t get bogged down in applying for a job in one city.  Especially not another city that was in Forbes’s list of the ten most miserable cities in the US.  Besides.  I have gotten three rejection letters from Chicago in two business days.  But all press is good press, right?

I can’t help it, though; this is the way I work about things.  I can really only focus on one thing at a time, and personally I think it’s a great step that I can write multiple cover letters in one day now.  My natural tendency would be to write a cover letter, send in the application, and obsess about the job until I am sure I haven’t gotten it.  So the fact that I’ve done like twenty applications in one week is good, right?  That means I’m more likely to get a job, right?  RIGHT?!

Dear Hiring Manager: I really am not such a spaz.  I look forward to hearing from you about this exciting opportunity.  Please contact me at the email address or phone number listed below.  Desperately yours, Me.

Good morning, my friends.

I haven’t been writing lately because mostly I have been obsessed with the idea of leaving St. Louis and have spent most of my spare time looking at available apartments in Chicago.  I interviewed, and was subsequently turned down for, a job there, which in the end I think is best because if I had actually gotten a job after a good interview it would have ruined my streak.  Nevertheless, the idea of leaving town is pretty firmly planted in my brain, and I am applying for all kinds of jobs in all kinds of places in an effort to get the heck out of town.  Hopefully this will turn into a blog where I can rhapsodize about the perils of living in a new city, rather than a blog where I can be dolefully unemployed.

This weekend, I took a(n affordable) trip to Kansas City, which I expected to suck a lot harder than St. Louis (aside from the fact that my BFF lives there).  The city, however, was totally sweet.  For the following reasons:

1. They have an opera house.  And they’re currently using it (read).  For opera.  Not for touring productions of Legally Blonde: the Musical or for awful pop-rock tripe like Creed or Lifehouse.
2. The parking garage at their public library looks like this.
3. Gay people.  Everywhere.  I mean everywhere.
4. A little thing I like to call a Wedding Cake Concrete.  It was life-altering, even if technically for me it was a Civil Union Cake Concrete.  I don’t care what it is called as long as it can visit me in the hospital when I’m dying.  It was duh-licious.
5. People were walking around.  On the sidewalks, which were next to the streets.  I feel like this doesn’t happen in St. Louis.  Unless you’re me and you’re getting weird looks from the person who almost ran you over in his Lexus.

Some things about Kansas City are not good.  It’s further from an IKEA, for one thing.  And there’s no light rail system there—but let’s be honest: St. Louis’s rail system is laughable, especially since the transit cuts (and by laughable I mean cryable, because I am not laughing about waiting 20 minutes for a train in the middle of the day).  But I think I could live without trains because there are buses.  And I think I could live without do-it-yourself Swedish furniture if I was spending all of my money on Wedding Cake mixed with frozen custard.  Life is all about give and take, you know.

Also it’s not even 7:00AM yet and I have already written in my blog.  Maybe today I will actually vacuum up the tumbleweed-like clumps of cat fur that have taken over my apartment.

I am aware that I have been remiss in blogging.  I am so sorry to have let you all down.  So many people told me to start writing again that I felt kind of ashamed not to have disappeared solely for the attention it got me.  It’s nice to be loved.

I had an interview in Chicago two weeks ago and I felt really great about it; I haven’t heard back from them but I have chosen not to be totally discouraged by this.  As a safety measure, I am applying for more jobs there; the romance of leaving St. Louis has swept me off of my ill-coordinated feet.

I decided to be funny on the application I just sent in.  In my cover letter I mentioned: pizza rolls, my paralyzing self-doubt, and the time at my old job that that toddler partially severed her finger.  Also, Diane, you should be happy to know that I put the fact that I am a homosexual in the subject of the e-mail that I sent them.  Just wanted to get that out in the open, I guess, so there wouldn’t be any surprises when I accidentally blurt it out five times during my interview.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of earning money, psychological self-discovery, and TV shows on DVD.  Also, I have consumed a shocking and awful amount of Easter candy.  We’re talking 70-80% of my diet here.  I got a thing of peanut M&M’s in pastel colors that I seriously had for dinner tonight.  Well, that and some jelly beans.  And three rows of Peeps (Hot Pink).  Okay, and four Cadbury Eggs.  Plus, A GIANT REESES EGG THAT IS PROBABLY TWO THIRDS THE SIZE OF MY BRAIN CAVITY (WHICH I HAVEN’T EATEN YET BUT PROBABLY WILL START ON SOON; IT’S SO BIG I AM GOING TO HAVE TO REFRIGERATE IT AND CUT IT LIKE A MEATLOAF).  Part of me revels in this time of year.  Part of me feels totally helpless to eating all of this sugar.  Part of me yearns for the sweet stings of protein and fiber upon my quickly softening intestines.

As a last resort, in case the jobs in Chicago don’t work out, I’ve decided to learn Arabic, and so I downloaded a language-teaching program.  I think once I get past the initial giggling at how incompetent I am, I might actually be pretty good at it.  I mean, I don’t know what ANY of the squiggles mean and I still got an 80% on the first lesson in the first unit.  That’s a Wash U B-, which is like a Community College A!