Limbomania

It’s the end of the second extremely productive week in a row for me, and I am starting to feel better about the possibility of finding a job before I hit retirement age.  In fact, I may even be able to land one before I hit my 40’s—that would be really neat.

As I was typing that last paragraph, I received a rejection letter via e-mail.  Why do those always come at the most ironic times?!

Aside from my employment situation, I am still in limbo on a number of things that are making me nervous: hospital bills, extending my student loan deferment, and whether or not I am going to qualify for extended unemployment benefits (the regular-type ones are up this month). I am worried that I’m going to get stuck with a hospital bill of like $3000 and that I won’t be able to pay it, but I am equally worried that I am going to get stuck with a bill for $300, which I still won’t be able to pay: I have visions of myself scrubbing bedpans to make ends meet.

And don’t even get me started on the student loans.  I am more than happy to pay them when I feel like it was worth it for me to have taken them out in the first place, but a great education is 100% meaningless if you’re looking for quarters on the street so you can do laundry.  So I’ve applied to extend my deferment due to unemployment through the end of the year, and am keeping my fingers crossed that it will work.  If not, THEY will have to apply for a deferment from me.  THEY WILL HAVE TO DEFER MY RAGE.

It seems the bad thing about this increase in my productivity—not that I was totally unproductive before—is that I have increased expectations for everyone else.  When I go into manic phases of cover letter writing, researching, bookmarking, taking notes, making databases, and calculating statistics, I tend to think that the people I’m corresponding with (or the people with whom I would like to be corresponding, i.e., people who will hire me) will be similarly manic.  This leads to me checking my email every four minutes and going “What the hell?  Why hasn’t anyone hired me yet?”  I mean, just because I start writing four times as many cover letters doesn’t mean the people I’m sending them to are going to care four times as much.  It just means I’m going to be four times as likely to find someone who is less than indifferent to my professional existence.  I need to remember that.

I also need to remember to do laundry.  I don’t think I’ve washed these pants since April.